November 24, 2009. 12:30pm.

I’m only going to focus on the jacket today, because now I have an idea for this project.

It’s one of those moments that I am bringing something to the picture, not looking without an agenda. Have to look at structure, details, steal ideas. This is it.

Folded & frayed

Slash fabric

then fold & gather

buttons slashes frayed edges.

Can’t make out some of the details, if it’s

a button or a slash.

I’ve got the coat

anyways. It’s too hard

To see it – to study it.

It’s just a means to an

end. All the vitality

is in his face. Looking

rosier, peachier, orangier

than usual today. For some reason his right

eye looks cat-like today

maybe it’s from seeing

that stupid vampire movie the other day.

A girl standing next to me says to her friend, “You know how when you’re in a crowd, and all of a sudden you see your friend? It’s like, Hey! I know you. That’s what it’s like.”

Can’t disagree. Yesterday I was in the Uris Center, and my young man appeared on a screen in a row of famous Met heads. There he was, same as ever, serene, knowing, handsome, intimately, immediately present and as far away as you can imagine.

I winked at him.

His face looks orange-y and his left hand, and the right, holding the book, is pale, less warm. Everyone’s left for the moment but it’s Friday, very busy, and I don’t feel fully present or able to let go. Many people stop to take photos and weirdly, take photos of the placard to the right.

The belt of the skirt will definitely not be like the gargoyle heads. I hate gargoyle heads, as a rule. The model totem pole is really what’s driving that. The gargoyles are the link, but not the form. When I look at the coat there is a certain weight, bulk, heaviness that I’d like to replicate. I imagine it to be heavy, definitely lined, and I never really thought about how it smelled. He looks clean and kempt maybe it smells like a little incense-y or smoke-heavy. I can’t conjure any kind of smell at all. Yesterday, we looked at a Native American poncho, and that definitely had liveliness to it (well, it was real, actually there in the case, not a painted representation.)

This is alive in a different way – I feel the heaviness but can’t smell a thing. I can touch the rips and frays in the fabric but can barely see the details of how it’s been structured. Just like him – immediately present and impossible to reach.

12:50pm.